An Enhanced Danica Patrick Takes Early Lead on NASCAR

by Charlie Turner

Thanks for stopping by OnPitRow.com and the Bench Racing with Steve and Charlie blog. The best NASCAR and IndyCar news and opinion, exclusive pictures and video. I'm Charlie Turner. Follow me on Twitter @onpitrow

January 16, 2009 9:30 pm UTC 7 Comments

I admit to being a bit pissed that ON PIT ROW got dissed by Danica Patrick recently. But you have to give the diva of open wheel racing – and her handlers – some cred for NASCAResque promotional cahones.

I got this from Marc and Full Throttle – which is another example of FT being the best there is in NASCAR’s blogosphere. Go Daddy has a new Super Bowl promo featuring the overrated one in a video ogle-off that ought to light up the Go Daddy site from now through February.

I haven’t seen anything nearly as original – or as fun – as this from anybody on the stock car side of things this whole winter. Apparently the subjects of the kingdom of France are all too busy whining about how tight money is. Better get going you guys. One of Tony George’s crew just stole some of your February monopoly.

FYI, Ms Patrick was in our town this week to speak at an annual, Italian-American Sports Hall-of-Fame dinner. A dinner at which, Dick Vitale, the late Al Maguire and recently, Mario Andretti have spoken. When Andretti was here, we had him on the show. Danica, however, couldn’t be bothered.

Do you think her butt looks big in red?

Photo credit: Not sure. But nice use of the wide-angle lens.

Filed under: Danica Patrick, IRNMBSIL, NASCAR & the Media, NASCAR Bidness, On Pit Row The Fastest Two Hours on Radio

Tagged with: Danica Patrick, Mario Andretti

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You Thought Remembering the ARCA Drivers was Tough?

by Charlie Turner

May 17, 2008 4:01 pm UTC 7 Comments

I had this dream that Steve and I were asked to broadcast the race call for a fictional racing series I call the IRNMBSIL. Since the invite came – in my dream – from the president of that series, Tony “The Destroyer” George, we accepted. The following is a transcript of our pre-race conversation from the dream.

CT ” Who’s the chick in the #3?
SW “Duno”
CT “Do you know whom is driving the #4?”
SW “Yes”
CT “Yes what?”
SW “No, Watt’s in the #10.”
CT ” What’s in the #10?”
SW “Yes”
CT “Yes what?”
SW “Yeah”
CT “When Roger Penske writes a check to the driver of the #4 Crunchy Critters/Roadkill Pizza car, to whom does he write it?
SW “Yes, he doth”
CT ” He doth what?”
SW “Art thou daft? Watt’s in the #10″
CT “I’m not asking thee….eh, you who’s in the #10….”
SW “Hughe’s in the #5″
CT “Huh?”
SW “The #6″
CT “Who’s in the #6?”
SW “No”
CT “No?”
SW “No. Huh.”
CT “Huh?”
SW “Yep”
CT “So, Yep is driving the #6?”
SW “Are you drunk, hungover or just stupid?”
CT “What?”
SW “Watt’s the name of the driver of the #10 car”
CT “What?”
SW “Finally”
CT “Wait. I thought that I read at Full Throttle that Finelli was driving that #1 car.”
SW “Dat Wan?”
CT “Yeah. That one”
SW “It’s Dat Wan. It’s a car”
CT “Which Dat Wan?”
SW “That’s Funny”
CT “What’s funny?”
SW “I disagree. Watt’s a jerk.”
CT “Who’s a jerk?”
SW “No, Hughe’s one of my favorite drivers. Very witty guy. Reminds me of Catfish. He makes me laugh.
CT “Who’s so funny?”
SW “Yes. Yes he is”
CT “This is making my head hurt. Let me try this a different way. Tell me the name of the owner of the #3 car.
SW “Mr Originality”
CT “Thank you”
SW “Your welcome”
CT “..and his name is…?”
SW “I just told you his name.”
CT “What?”
SW “No, Mr Originality”
CT “Are you telling me his name is NO? Is he related to Dr No? And stop calling me Mr Originality.
SW “Shhh. Here she comes”
CT “Here who comes?”
SW “Duno”
CT “I don’t know either, but she sure looks good. Any idea who the Dude is with her?
SW “Mr Wong.”
CT “Yeah, I get it. I’d like to be Mr Right too. Do you know his connection to her?
SW “It’s Wong, stupid. Says here he’s the crew chief of the #3. What kind of car was that again?
CT “Dat Wan?”
SW “NO not Dat Wan. Yu Shure.
CT “You sure?”
SW ” Yeah. That’s the designer of the car talking to Mr Wong”
CT “Who? Dat?”
SW “No”
CT “Who den…er then?”
SW “Fo Shure”
CT “He’s the designer? Of the Yu Shure? You sure?
SW “Yeah, Fo Shure”
CT “I can’t take this. Tell Tony, thanks for the gig but I’m sticking with stock cars.
SW “Hey! Where you going?”
CT “Dunno. For sure.”

Filed under: ARCA Remax Series, IRNMBSIL, NASCAR Fantasy Gaming, Nascar Legends, Shut Up and Drive

Tagged with: ARCA Remax Series, blog, IRL, Milka Dunno, motorsports, NASCAR humor, Roger Penske, Tony George

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The France revolution

by Charlie Turner

March 20, 2007 12:36 am UTC 4 Comments

knock…knock,knock….knock

Who’s there? Is that you Tony?

Bruton! I told you not to use my real name. Out loud, I mean.

Oh yeah, sorry … uh… AJ. So do you really think we can start a series that will compete with…. you know…. the "N" word?

Are you kidding me? With all the problems that bunch of cornholers has? No offense. I mean look at the facts man! First off, the whole thing is run by the grandson of the man with the real vision, the true entrepreneur who built a whole racing and business empire from the ground up. I don’t want to be Petty but, the grandson doesn’t exactly exude gravitas, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, Ton… I mean AJ, I know exactly what you mean.

Bruton, my man, that is just the start. Think about this; they have too many good teams. So many that every weekend, quality teams and sponsors are unable to make races. Four manufacturers are competing in the series and the newest entrant, Toyota, is having a hard time. That wouldn’t happen in my series.

Uh, …. AJ…. the IRl only has one manufacturer..

Stop! Bruton. My Friend. Think. Think of the fans. The poor wretches are constantly bombarded with network TV, cable TV, radio, print media and an unrelenting barrage of internet crap all about this stock car obsession. Bruton…Bruton, every race, do you here me, every single one, is broadcast, live!

Every time they fall all over themselves, whether it’s someone cheating at their biggest race, ah, I mean their second biggest race, or when they change their cars to look like something a Weeble would drive or their chairman gets caught trying to be a modern day rum runner, THEY MAKE NEWS. We have an obligation to fix it.

Tony… what can we…

BRUTON!

Sorry. AJ.

Listen bubba, here’s what we do to start the IRNMBSIL. First, I take the Brickyard 500, the Greatest Spectacle in Racing..

The wha…? You mean 400, right? And what the hell is the IRNMBSIL?

Bru, baby, it’s 500 now. It’s complicated legal stuff but the short of it is, France Jr., sort of owns Brickyard 400, and all that entails. I still have Indy 500 though. So, I think I have Brickyard 500….Don’t you..think? Anyway, B, with your tracks… I can see us going to Vegas like 4 times a year..and my track and my ability to get, like maybe Honda and Kia on board we can save north American racing.

Uh, AJ… Tony…up until tonight, I didn’t think anyone could make Brian France look visionary. But Tony…AJ…URNMBSIL.